Guilty Pleasure
by crazy alligator
Summary: Drabble.  Whenever I begin to sink deep into that ocean of guilt, he's always there to pull me out...RenRuki, 1st person Rukia's POV-that's right, RUKIA'S POV.


What's up? I don't know about all you guys, but I am feeling AWESOME! Here's a nice little drabble for everybody, 1st person Rukia's POV(my first attempt ever, so...crossing my fingers!) Enjoy!

Guilty Pleasure

When it all came down to it, it was our character. My character, and Renji's character. His character...in its simplest form, his character is to protect those close to him at all costs, and to never stop fighting until his consciousness is ripped from his cold, dead fangs. Even if it means his own happiness, or even his own life has to be disregarded, he makes sure that those people that he cares about are taken care of. And as I, and half the seireitei know, that main component of his character applies to myself especially.

Now on to my character. My character, in short, is to feel guilty about his, and to feel guilty about anyone else who might do a kind act for me, simply because I've never felt that I deserved anything from anyone. But whenever I begin to sink deep into that ocean of guilt, and start to be swept in by the strong current, he will play lifeguard, pulling me out of the water and reviving me post haste, pressing his lips to mine to remind me how much my life matters, and how many people want for me to exist happily. And with every reassurance he gives me, with every comforting kiss and hug, I will melt, and relax, and forget all else except the happiness I feel when I am with him, the man whom I have loved since childhood.

Renji has always, and will always place me above everyone and everything else in existence. I know this very well. He's proven this fact many times, both to me, and to others. Often times, in accordance with his character, this has involved making himself miserable in one way or another. I'm pretty sure that some others who have observed this behavior consider him somewhat of a masochist, however I and the people closest to him know that he just cares for me more than life itself, both his own and the lives of those around us. It's yet another thing that causes the guilt to swell in my gut, more severely than what I mentioned before. And when not even his gentle embrace and tender kisses can calm me, he has a whole different approach prepared.

He will pull me even closer, so close I swear that I can feel his heartbeat, and he mine, and he will look straight into my eyes with a gaze that reflects raw emotion. And he tells me that I am his only reason for living. He tells me that the only reason he ever wanted to better himself was me. Because I'm alive, because I exist-it is the reason he says he didn't die decades ago in the Rukon. For me, he willed himself to stay alive. For me, he became a shinigami. For me, he trained endlessly, day and night, hour after hour, so he could be good enough for me. Rather than trying to tear me down to the poverty-stricken life of a rat, he wanted to be better, much better, so much better that we could live a good life together and be unquestionably happy. And it's all because of me, because he loves me unconditionally, and has for decades. Without me, his life is nothing. He drives the point into my skull. No me=no him. And, I've never really known why, but it always works. His method of showing me all his love and devotion has never failed to make me feel better, and I don't know whether it's because it gives me a sense of purpose, or if it's because the mere fact makes my heart melt into molten goo every time. All I know is that it always works.

And even as my eyelids flutter open in morning, even as I wake to the sound of his steady heart, my cheek pressed against bare, tattooed skin, and my messy strands of black hair hanging before my eyes, I can't help but feel like he'll always be right beside me, holding me as he is now. Even in his sleep, he grips onto me, firmly, but so, so gently at the same time. One hand spans across my lower back, the other cradling my head, and I can't help it; I reach up with one of my own tiny hands, and my thin fingers brush across the digits that are buried in my hair, feeling his instinctive twitch before they rest atop the back of his large hand. I can feel my heart welling up with the intense feeling of love, and I know, I know with complete certainty that, whenever I have any feelings of doubt, or guilt, or self-hate, he will be there, right beside me, doing nothing except making sure that I am that happiest I can be.

He is my rock.

He is my love.

He is my Renji.

END

Fluffety fluff fluff, my good people! Normally, I don't make two different updates/posts in one day, but this was almost finished and I was feeling a lot of love for my favorite couple today :) Hope you liked it, Tite Kubo owns Bleach, I, sadly, do not, and I love and appreciate all comments and opinions!


End file.
